*two is a perfect number, but one? well, everybody's happy. everybody's free. we'll keep the big door open and everyone'll come around. why are you different? why are you that way? if you don't step in line we'll lock you away.*

The days of yore.

Others.
hoar
hoars times two
erin
xhael
andrew

Communication is Essential Say something.
AIM
sign me

*it wasn't really sad the way they said good-bye. or maybe it just hurt so bad, she couldn't cry.* -eagles

inside joke of the week: taxi!!!
i seriously love the eagles. 'hell freezes over' is one of my top ten favorite albums of all time.
E and i are going home tomorrow. my home, not his. we have to go to town to get a CD that's only available in that city. so, we're just gonna make a weekend of it. mom's buying us tickets to go see something denver-ish. that's 'cuz she loves him. she thinks he hung the moon, or something. it's cute.
i'm pretty spent as far as noah goes. i'm not quite sure what's up with him. we haven't talked since that night on the phone. he hasn't emailed me or anything. which.. like, i didn't really expect him to. i don't expect much out of him anymore. i wrote him a letter while i was home for thanksgiving, but i didn't send it. it's still sitting on my floor amid the books and dog hair. it will probably stay there until i realize it's really outdated and throw it away. i've never NOT sent him a letter. everything i've ever written, i've sent him. even if i thought it was going to hurt us. i found the letter he wrote me while i was home. let me fix that. while i was home, i found the letter he wrote me. it was weird reading it. we hadn't been together that long when i received that. eh.
ben isn't talking to me either. i dunno what that's all about. but like, whenever my AIM away message is up, his is off.. and whenever mine's off, his is up. i dunno what exactly that's all about.
turns out accent-boy is being an asshole, too. he's being an ass to the whole group. i think he's very uncomfortable with his life.
i'm really tired. i didn't sleep at all last night, so i slept most the day away today. evidently E came over after our music class to give me my test. he said he slept with me for a while. i don't recall this at all.
dammit. i know i have some epiphany just waiting to be written about, but i can't pinpoint it. i guess i'll go watch charmed. 30 Nov 2120 hrs

*i have my heroes, but no one knows their names. they never asked for recognition; they never wanted fame. my granddad fought the second World War when he was just eighteen. he spent four months as a prisoner to give me the American dream. in my eyes he's everything, all i hope to be. and i won't forget that day he said he was proud of me. so i'll take that one day and figure out what i did right. i'll do it the same way for the rest of my life.* -sotd

right. now that i sat down to write this, i'm all pissed off at what i have to write about. like, i had a pretty good thanksgiving break, but there was one bad night, and that was pretty much enough to upset like, the whole rest of the effing break. and i'm probably going to cuss a lot in this entry, 'cuz that's what i do when i'm angry. so 'scuse me in advance.
so, friday night matay, football head, mel, jason and i went ice skating. yes, ice skating. and mel and jason were skating by themselves and football head (hereafter, fh), matay and i were skating together. and somehow the topic came up that the boys find mel like, super irresistable, and they find fh and me like.. completely resistable. yeah.
not to mention we're basically unfuckable, to use matay's words. we are the uneffables. :insert our handshake here.:
yeah. matay compared melody to a sculpture. like, those of us who appreciate art know that there's that (at least) one piece of art that we feel really speaks to us. and even though we can't like, have an emotional bond with the sculpture, we're enthralled with it. and we like it. and whatthehellever he was trying to rationalize here. the whole point was that the sculpture is just pretty. that's all.
but even though that's the case, the sculpture still wins over the uneffables no matter what.
and i think that's what pisses me off more than anything. 'cuz like, i LOVE fh. it's like i said in my cast intro (that i KNOW still isn't up yet...sorry!), she and i really clicked from the beginning. she's an awesome person. and beautiful. but i guess since we're opinionated and crass and intelligent and sort of blunt with our humor, we're not effable. blah.
and it pisses me off to no end that it just seems like ben doesn't care. like, i tell him something that's really important to me and he shrugs it off. and then i mention in passing something like, "oh, i love blake. he's awesome." and he gets all pissy! like, he wants to pull the jealous card, and he has no grounds to do so. he basically tells me that there won't ever be us again, but then he gets stupid when i talk about other boys. what the fuck! and it isn't like i talk about them just to piss him off, for crying out loud. those are my friends. this is who i surround myself with. ugh. 27 Nov 1946 hrs

*i light a candle, watch it burn. i feel the angels come and fill this room. when you're gone i miss you so much, i do the only thing i can do: i pray for you.* -jr

i love thanksgiving. it's my second favorite holiday. (veteran's day, of course, being the first.) this year was an awesome year, 'cuz my entire family was over at my grandparents'. we're all still here, as a matter of fact, with the exception of my mom and stepdad, 'cuz they're losers.
last year leslie was here. i can't believe it's been a year since i've seen her. i think it's been damn near that long since we've talked on the phone, even though we mentioned it in passing a while ago. wow. things sure change.
for some reason, it really grates on my nerves when people acknowledge thanksgiving as only a day for feasting and football. i musta sat and wrote and sat and prayed and sat and talked for hours about everything i'm thankful for. today is the day i truly feel blessed to be in the position i am. i recognize today more than any other day that my life has been beyond beautiful. i'm very lucky.
my cousin told me today that keith is engaged. engaged. i can't believe that. i mostly can't imagine keith ever being that affectionate/loving to a woman, even though he is a musician. i was just thinking about him yesterday, as a matter of fact. i always give him a christmas card. this year's will be interesting to write.
i worked tonight on scanning some pics from IACURH. i paid $65 for my pics from that damn trip. they all turned out amazingly well, though. even the ones of me in my blasted prom dress. lol :]
robert and i got in an argument last night, and i don't even know what it was over. i just know that all the sudden during conversations he gets quiet and doesn't want to talk about why. and that's fine for like, the first 10 or 12 times...but now it's just irritating. and i was pissy when he wouldn't tell me why, and i hung up on him, and when i called him later last night to explain himself, he was already asleep. and it's like...riiiiiight. and i'm not going to let it ruin my day...and i'm being a bitch for being angry at him, anyway. i mean.. clearly it's a lot harder for him than i imagined it to be. and i need to learn patience.
i can't wait to go back to school. i get to see my beautiful friends. tomorrow val and i are going to see the grinch. we were S'POSTA see it with our friends, but they bailed on us. go figure.
i've been working on a cast list to link to here, but i'm just really lazy lately.
have a great thanksgiving, everyone. or, i hope you did. give thanks, if just to your parents. :] 23 Nov 2208 hrs

*everything exists 'tween black and white. you can twist and distort the most blatant of lies, or just offer up solutions practiced only in your mind. i lost half my life to wisdom, so forgive me if i come off sounding bitter, if my words push you away, if i seem surprised to see you lying here in front of me. just consider what you're asking and give me a little time. i'm still having trouble breathing, cuz up to now i've never seen you cry.* -8 stops 7

i don't have anything to say. just vote for leslie. she's number 9. :] 20 Nov 1520 hrs

*and for the million hours that we were, well, i'll smile and remember it all. then i'll turn and go. while your story's completed mine is a long way from done.* -sh

wow. it's been a long time since i've written. weird.
last night mom, ison, tonio, g&p, and i went to dinner at Del Frisco's. it's like, this REALLY nice steakhouse in town. it was yummy. we saw a pitcher from the baseball team here and the owner of the football team here. it was neat. my grandpa was being really funny, as he usually is once he has a few gins in him. i ordered my first alcoholic drink. midori sour. it wasn't as good as the one i think i had on the cruise a couple years ago, but i think that's mostly 'cuz i just don't like alcohol.
i went through my list o' numbers to call tonight and finally got to noah's. it was weird. it rang. and i was like, "OH MY GOSH," just 'cuz it rang. and then he ANSWERED. and it was REALLY weird, then. but not for long. we talked for a while. we (of course) ended up talking about our current situation. and i was pretty emotional, but i didn't ever actually break down. i was really proud of myself 'cuz of that. we talked for a pretty fair amount of time. i poured out a lot to him. and i'm still sort of in limbo, 'cuz he hasn't given me an answer. and i don't expect that he would have been prepared to do so.
and i don't know what to do about him half the time. because he told me to walk away...but i don't know if he really meant that. i mean, he hasn't told me that since august. and i think he's finally starting to understand my situation. i think he's starting to understand my perspective and my argument.
and i do not expect him to forget that i gave up once. i mean, even before he was sick i outwardly gave up. but i wish...i pray...everyday that he realizes i'm not going to give up. and it will probably take a lot of time, but i hope he finally does.
it was good to talk to him. our conversation was cut short, 'cuz he had to go to work (of course,) but i am totally happy that we had the chance to talk.
i missed my travel class one day when we picked groups for this big project we have due in three weeks, and since i missed it for no good reason, i'm punishing myself by working alone on the project. it's on iceland. it's basically like, putting together a brochure or something for tourism in iceland. iceland is my dream country. it's so awesome there...from what i've seen.
i think the whole point of that was that i have to go to bed. it's almost time for a new layout already.
noah's birthday is in 2 weeks.
i really like K-Ci and Jo-Jo's new song. i dunno why. actually, yeah i do...they kick ass. i've liked 'em since Jodeci. lol...jodeci. that's funny. 19 Nov 2315 hrs