*two is a perfect number, but one? well, everybody's happy. everybody's free. we'll keep the big door open and everyone'll come around. why are you different? why are you that way? if you don't step in line we'll lock you away.*

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*you made it look so easy making love into memories* -dc

wow. i wanted to write about IACURH right when i got home, but i was trying to figure out all my emotions. now i'm two days removed from the conference and still confused about feelings, intermixed with the moments fading.
first of all, this weekend was so earth-shattering for me. it totally changed my view on a lot of things. and i hope this was just the first of many conferences for me, because i want to constantly be reminded about how much i LOVED this weekend, and how excited i am for the person i know i can become now.
just as a general overview, IACURH stands for the Intermountain Affiliate of College and University Residence Halls. IACURH is a subdivision of NACURH, which is the National Affiliate... NACURH is divided into like, 6 or something regions, IACURH being one. within my region are schools like CU-Boulder, Wyoming, New Mexico, Arizona, Idaho, Montana, Utah and Alberta. and the schools affiliated with IACURH send the top 20-40 student leaders on their campuses to a conference to learn from each other about things like diversity, acceptance, recognition, date rape, how to be an effective RA, etc. college stuff.
the students put on sessions (classes) for each other dealing with the aforementioned topics. and the basic idea is that we'll learn something and bring it back and try to implement it on our campuses.
it actually turned out to be quite stressful. but i am so excited about everything i learned. i'm going to try and make this into just one big post, but it might not work out that way.
one day val and i went to a program entitled "Lifeboat" put on by unc. it's basically like.. 20 people are given little ID card things that say who they are. like, a 40-year-old married man who cheats on his wife, or something. and they're on a cruise ship and the ship starts to sink. and they're forced to throw 5 people off, 'cuz only 15 can fit in the lifeboat. so the argument commences...who leaves, who stays and why? and of course one of the 'actors' was a gay guy. y'know..his card says that he's gay. and the kid who was playing him goes to weber state (yay, jag!) and automatically this kid starts in with the stereotypical gay voice and accent. and that didn't really piss me off that much. but after the first round of people were cut, he was still in. and of course the lifeboat starts to gain water, so they group has to throw off 7 of the 15. and at one point someone in the audience goes, "throw off the fag!" and like.. i didn't hear that one. but THEN they were still arguing about who goes and someone yells again, "why is the fag still there?!" and like, the UNC presenters just SAT there. wtf! so that program was by FAR the worst i went to. and it was FRUSTRATING.
so we had nightly breakdown sessions at like, midnight. and that night i asked the group what i was supposed to do in that situation, 'cuz i felt so torn. i felt like if i told the people who were being so obnoxiously ignorant to shut the eff up (essentially), i would reflect poorly on my school. and i cried 'cuz i was so angry that we're at a LEADERSHIP conference and there's actual student leaders who are so blind to the idea of acceptance. ugh. and it was frustrating. but our advisor told me that no matter what, i wouldn't ever be the only one. if i stood up and walked out, my school would in effect go with me. if i stood for something, they'd stand with me. and that was very comforting.
and i was given the IACURH pin from my delegation. not necessarily 'cuz of that, but because i kind of went my own way. i went to this track called BIONIC (believe it or not, i care.) and it was about bringing acceptance to everyone. it was really awesome. and the president of my campus' student leader organization asked me to work with her for the rest of the year on diversity projects that will link the campus together. and that made me feel SO awesome about myself and the whole experience.
but i think the most influential and impactful part of the conference came on saturday.

i went to a program entitled, "My Friend Jon, or Why I Wear the Angel". it was put on by this kick ass guy from arizona state. and the idea of the program was to teach us how to be an inspiration to ourselves and subsequently inspire others. and he had us do this really awesome exercise. and i think it really would blow a lot of people's minds away if they gave it the opportunity. if any of you want to try it, let me know. i'll email you a copy. :] the activity basically had us reflect on who's been important to us, what's important, who we want to be important, who we don't want to be important, etc. and it made us focus on the good. and at the end of 'My Friend Jon', he gave us a string to tie around our finger and wear for a week to remind us to inspire. and i have it on today. 'cuz sometimes, it is really hard to remember to be an inspiration. but it doesn't take all that much. y'know?
and the guy who put the program on had this up on the board: there's a lot of love in this room.
and i really felt that there. he'd point to the board and we'd have to say (with enthusiasm) THERE'S A LOT OF LOVE IN THIS ROOM. it was great. and now that i'm back, everywhere i go, i feel that. i don't even have to pay attention to it. i don't have to search it out. i just feel the love. i know that sounds stupid.
but peter (the program presenter) is an amazing guy. he put on another program that i attended and was just blown away by. and i went up to him at the dance we had saturday night and told him that like, 25% of my delegation said that their high for the day--the thing they thought was BEST about their day--was one or both of his programs. and i told him that i want him to understand how HUGE that is. how huge his ideas and love are. and he gave me a hug and thanked me. he asked me if i'll be at NACURH in may, and i told him absolutely. (NACURH is at USC! we might get to take the TRAIN! kick ASS.) and he told me that he really looks forward to seeing me. and that he hopes i'll keep in touch. and i will. i mean, i want him to watch me become a better person. y'know? 'cuz i feel like God brought him and his words into my life for a reason. they hit me so hard for a reason. and i'm really excited about that.

wow. this isn't even all i have to say. IACURH was just so..emotionally charged. i took six rolls of film. i met some awesome people. i became friends with people at school who i NEVER thought i would see eye to eye with. i laughed and cried. i was reminded how to dream. i felt hope for myself and everyone else--HONEST hope--for the first time in ages. i'm so happy i went. :] 14 Nov 0952 hrs