Sara Sez... |
jeezus. i couldn't think of any lyrics to put here tonight, so i decided to put my cd on random and put lyrics for the first song that came on. it was the dixie chicks "hello, mr. heartache." i don't like that song. then was jim brickman. no words?! then was shakira--a latin singer. HELLO?! then came jewel. not my favorite song of hers.. but i do think she's a good lyricist/poet. maybe i can write this now. christ almighty. the connection here is insane. people always bitch about my really long entries, but it's because either my connection is so bastardly slow that it won't connect to pitas, or pitas is fixin' itself. jeezus. Noah's in town! Like, HERE. in grand junction! he wants to go out. i heard his voice for the first time in forever. i cried. i cried 'cuz it's like.. God answered my prayers. and i cried 'cuz it's really him and it's really me and it's really now. and dammit, i wish he would wake up. lol :) i'm like, giddy. and glad i didn't make a foolish mistake. and so wanting to hold his hand. SO wanting to hold his hand. i so love that song. it's my new favorite. i know the warren bros are leslie's boys.. but i definitely lay claim to that song. "you may find all your dreams have already come true..." actually, i like a lotta songs. i metta girl down the hall today who was blastin' keith urban. i love his song, too. i can't think of it right now, 'cuz i'm listening to the warren bros. of course, keith urban used to sing with The Ranch. i love their CD. 'your everything'! that's KU's song. i love that song. i've ate about three thousand watermelon gushers today. "made with real fruit." yeah, right. well, i'm in Grand Junction. i'm at Rick and Myra's. i love it here. they're both just so frickin' cool. i mean... i love this side of the mountains. my family over here is so...different than my family in Denver. not different better or different worse.. just different. i'm happy to be here. why are boys so incredibly retarded? i just don't understand why noah won't call/write/email and tell me one way or the other what's up. i seriously think he's dead or something. and i hate not knowing. if something is wrong, just tell me. or if something is right, tell me that, too. i just hate being in the dark. it annoys me. and i don't want to let go and regret letting go.. but i don't want to hold on and waste my life away. frick. So feel me when I bring it I just wanna bang on my drums all day.. It's only life, after all I wanna grow young with ya, baby... I can't go with you and stay where I am... I can't keep lovin' you one foot outside the door... It was a private conversation
*And you try to find yourself in the abstractions of religion, and the cruelty of everyone else. And you wake up to realize your standard of living somehow got stuck on survive* -Jewel
i've heard from two old friends in two days. yay. i don't really have like, a lot of friends from high school. just biter, really. and then ren and jenn. and i complained to biter for so long before i left about how much i wanted to have someone at school who really knows me. how i wasn't afraid of failing or anything, just that i would be SO ALONE in like, this giant ocean of people who don't care. and i wanted to be able to crawl to him and cry or sleep or feel love. and i wanted to be known by him... or at least by SOMEone. and i really love ren and jenn and biter. like, an honest love that only comes with the individual struggles we've put each other through. no one's a saint. i've made my amends, and i have two beautiful women in my life. and biter, who is a blessing in disguise. (even though he's clearly wrapped up in hawaii and doesn't want to say anything to me 'cuz he sucks.)
i pussed out of running for anything at hall council. i dunno. i wanted to, but i just like.. freaked. and i really do have an amazing lot that i need to get done this year. and i like, HAVE to do that. and there's a lot of kids who i think would be better than i would. (i say kids 'cuz i definitely hold seniority at that meeting, which is sad.)
*i'm so lonely when i'm with you. i'm so lonely when you're gone..* -sawyer brown
true that.
i'm actually having a good time at school. i have a music appreciation test (lol) tomorrow, that i definitely HAVE to do better than a boy on. better than a certain boy. i hate losing!
the boys side of the dorm is having a football pool this season. you better believe that i'm in on that.
wow. i didn't think i had anything to say tonight.
i wish i had my copy of the cider house rules up here. there's a quote from dr. larch that i've been thinking about all day. something like.. let us be thankful for kindnesses we have received. let us be thankful for second chances.
or something. i love john irving.
30 Aug
22:57
*~And she cried, 'Man, oh, how could you do it?' And *he* swore that there... there weren't NOTHIN' to it.~* -Lyle
so, noah came and picked me up. and i brought him upstairs, 'cuz i had to grab shoes and stuff. and i had written him a card earlier. and the outside of the card was, "love isn't in the falling..." inside: "it's in the staying." and i wrote him a bunch of stuff that started with, "and i have." and we walked to a school a little ways away. and we caught up on the way there. i learned about his friends and his roomie and his work, and all the stuff i've missed out on for so long. and we sat on bleachers and talked.
and we talked mostly about how sick he is (or isn't.) and i found out then that like, he really has given up. and he wants everyone out of his life. and i couldn't believe it. and i said, "you loved me then, right?" him: *nods* me: and you can't love me now, is that it? him: i didn't say that. but really, he did. like.. he told me it's easier for him to just be alone. and i'm like, "EASIER FOR WHO?!" and i know that's selfish and retarded. but like, the docs don't even know if it's really cancer. they just think it is. and he thinks that since they don't really KNOW anything yet, that the outcome can't be good.
and this isn't noah, goddammit. like.. this is so everything he DID NOT preach to me, or anything that he preached to any of his other friends. and it makes me so mad.
but on the other hand, like.. i'm not in his position. but if i were.. i would want everyone who i loved to be right by my side. to be near me. but i guess noah isn't that way.
and i guess somewhere deep inside i musta known it was over even before we went. 'cuz i didn't cry, and i didn't beg. and i haven't cried yet. i just kinda.. let it go.
and like, he pissed me off somehow before we took off, and like, we walked back not talking. me with my arms crossed, not looking at him. him just tryin' to stay on the sidewalk. (i walked in the gutter.) and it's a big minute back from the school. and we were outside of the tennis courts and i said, "do you want a ride home, or are you going to walk?" and he said, "nah.. i'll walk." and we were at the tennis courts behind where i live and i said, 'you don't need to walk me up.' but he just kept walkin'. and we got to the breezeway and i can't remember if i said this before, or after he hugged me.. i think it was after. (he'd remember..he has a memory that's off the hook.) but he gave me a hug and i just stood there, arms crossed, 'cuz i was fuckin' hurt and pissed. and i knew if i hugged him, i'd cry. and i wouldn't want to let go. and goddamit, if he's letting go, so am i. and he kissed the top of my head (so much for dreams of kissing noah....) and i said, "call me if there's anything more to be said." and he nodded, and i turned and came inside.
there. that's it. i don't really feel better having wrote it all out. usually i do. but like, i can't beg noah to be in my life, 'cuz he is HELL BENT on being out of it. out of everybody's. and that boy is STUB-BORN.
i dunno. if you guys have other suggestions, email me.
*if i told you this was killing me, would you stop?* -The Juliana Theory
28 Aug
23:36
*~She doesn't want the kind of love she can live with; she wants the kind of love she can't live without.~* -Clint Black
mom doesn't want to go see lyle with me this weekend 'cuz she "can't go to aspen at the drop of a hat." i'm like, "it's FIVE DAYS AWAY." her: that's pretty much a drop of a hat. . . . wtf. i am going to die without ever seeing lyle lovett! so now i'm not going home for labor day. that'll show her!
today i had a weird dream. (docs told me to sleep a lot.) i dreamt that i was like.. here, at school.. but all of our buildings were like, one giant building. and i saw my old pals from high school. chris and croix. and chris comes RUNNING down the stairs and gives me a hug. and like, i didn't even really know him that well. and we always kind of had a feud going on, 'cuz he was an ass to me frosh year, and i had to make it up to him for the next three. i always had a giant crush on him, tho'.
but last semester of senior year i really got to hang out with croix. we sat in the back of our philosophy class and basically just talked shit about everybody. lol and i always wished i woulda called him after we graduated. 'cuz like.. he was a dick to me frosh year, too. but he apologized. and it was cool. and his senior will to me was cool. and i really dig croix. he was always just so...croix. and he had an awesome laugh. and like.. he went to DU, which was always like.. 10 minutes from my house, and i've never seen him since school got out. but anyway...
in the dream chris came down and gave me a giant hug and croix just kinda hung back. and somehow.. somewhere along the line, chris took off, and it was just croix and i. and there was music in the background. croix played drums. :) and i remember that i had to go do something, and i was like, 'do NOT leave. i'll be right back.' and i went to my room to get something, and on the way back.. i could NOT get to croix. there were janitors and all these people in the way. and doors were locked and just, an insane amount of things went wrong. and i never got back. and somehow like, in the other part of my mind, i could see croix sitting there. and he was mostly just sad. and i was sad. and i never made it back.
and i miss croix.
28 Aug
16:14
*i hate to be alone on sundays. nobody knows me like my baby...* -lyle
patience paid off. :)
24 Aug
09:41
*sometimes it's hard, you don't wanna look over your shoulder, 'cuz you don't want to remember where you've been.* -warren brothers
i've been better about being social, although i do enjoy eating in the 'cafeteria' by myself. today some really cute boys came and sat a table over from me. one of them had blue hair. i mean.. not naturally, of course. but he was definitely yummy. they were all very smart. not very social, though. look who's talking.
i'm still holdin' out for noah, though. i haven't set a time limit on like.. when i'm going to just accept that things are over. i think i'll know. but i hope/pray/think this is just a phase and like.. he can't really talk to me right now.. y'know, for whatever reason.
i always get myself in these relationships that probably aren't very healthy. maybe i'll grow outta that.
23 Aug
2211
*Thought I heard y'call my name in a whisper on the wind.. but then I remembered you were gone, and never comin' back again.* -Pam Tillis
jeezus gawd snowie, i should have a lot to talk about.. but i really don't. i realized today that i don't have classes 'till 1000 on mondays and wednesdays. that kinda pisses me off. i hate classes that late. all the lazy people who party all the time are in late morning/early afternoon classes. and they all talk about being drunk last night and what retards they are. blah. that's okay. i don't have but one class on tuesdays and thursdays. that makes me many shades of happy.
i wish there was a dumpster within like, 300 yards of my dorm. for crying out loud.
i'm not being that social up here.. which is kind of me, but kind of not. there's 5000 people here, and i know like.. my neighbors. lol i just am not all about going to BBQs and whatnot to meet people. i figure i'll run across people who i'm supposed to know. i know that sounds all religious.. but it's more like, i reallyreallyreally believe that the people who are important in my life and who have remained important in my life.. i have known for many lifetimes.
so, today i had this freaky-ass dream. me and this guy (who i'm sure i know in real life, but cannot picture now to save the life of me?) were toolin' around. and like, there's this mountain lion that goes down into a manhole. just like, walks down there. and following the lion is this deer, who we both instantly recognize as miss america. i know! what the hell. but like, i'm pissed that she's walking around.. and i'm yelling at her to get in the car so she doesn't get killed. and then all the sudden the three of us are at wendy's, and i give her one of those little caesar side salad thingies? and like, her and the boy i was with get all pissed 'cuz there's dressing on the salad. and they're like, "OF COURSE miss america doesn't eat DRESSING," like i'm a huge moron. lol then i woke up. i was really pissed at the deer and the dude, though. cripes. life is so weird.
i need to figure out where i'm going to fit a fridge in this room. it isn't a matter of if i'm going to get one, 'cuz that would be non-team food-ish. but i am definitely going to need to move some stuff around.
good lord.. i need to go do something.
22 Aug 00
15:52
*I remember when you were mine...* -Dixie Chicks
Biter came over to say bye last night. he hung out for a while. it was good to see him. he's sunburned. i know he's having a hard time with things right now.. but i know, too, that he's tough. he leaves tomorrow morning. i keep thinking i should call him and say bye.. but i don't need to. we said goodbye. he told me he loved me. it was nice. i gave him a hug and said, 'i love you.' and he said, 'i love you, too.' and i thought the first time i heard him say that i would cry like some kinda girl.. but i was just happy to hear it. isn't so tough.
everywhere i go i look for noah. it's silly. it's like.. rick took me to dinner tonight and at the restaurant i'm like, "WHERE is noah?" pissed that he isn't there... lol i need a distraction. not like, a man. just something to take my mind off him. i've written him dang near everyday for a week. he must think i'm crazy. i think maybe he isn't answering me 'cuz he's on leave. i've never been good at waiting. i hate it. but i want to wait for him. i just need to know. good or bad. and i'll wait 'till i hear. i just hope something isn't drastically wrong.
it's only 2230 and i'm tired. maybe i'll go to sleep.
but first, i'm freaked about finding a job. i thought my uncle would have one for me, but he doesn't. and now it's like.. i'm all stressed. biter thinks i'm gonna drop outta school 'cuz i'm not gonna have any fun-slash-friends. maybe not drop out.. but he thinks i'm being retardedly bratty about going to school. but i'm just so freaked out that i'm not gonna find work. and i have bills and i have to move out of the barracks.. (barracks?).. i mean dorm in may. and i need money for that and.. blahblahblah.
wish me luck.
17 Aug
22:17
*I'd like to say goodbye, but you're burned in my mind...* -Sons of the Desert
hey, visit Leslie. Or, here. she rocks. she's a coyote, too. yay.
school supplies are freakin' expensive. i spent fifty-five bucks today on like, some highlighters and sticky notes and some pens. i'm addicted to gel pens. i don't know what it is. they're all trendy, but i love them. right now i have smelly gel pens. the purple one i always use is grape smelly. the only problem with gel pens is they run outta ink all fast.
today i got a card from rob. 'twas weird. weird good.. i guess. he and i finally started talking again. and things are still kind of strained. i dunno. i kinda did rob wrong. and like, he doesn't see it. and he just should move on with his life, but he won't. he's .. um, not content .. but.. dealing with (?) our current situation.
dammit! one of these days i'm going to sign on with the express intent of writing a good long journal entry. but for now i need to go draft another fantasy football team. :)~
14 Aug
22:43
life is good. life is fun! much to say.
last night i went over to bill & leslie's house and hung out with them, meredith, scotty b. and danny. it was so much fun. i kind of dread leaving my house, just 'cuz it usually sucks.. but i always forget how much fun i have at their house. they're like my second family...and i really appreciate that. sometimes they probably think i don't, 'cuz we hardly ever see each other anymore, but i do. i recognize how lucky i am to have them in my life.
so then tonight we went bowling, 'cuz it's my last weekend in denver. (theoretically.) and we saw speedy, who i haven't seen in forever! i was so happy. and big man and dave were there. so we bowled for a couple hours. i won the first game and then pretty much sucked 'till the monitors went off. then i bowled three strikes in a row. my first turkey, and it didn't even flash! dammit. anyway. i had a LOT of fun. i love bowling. wendy wanted me to get up on the counter and dance to YMCA with her, but i was being snobby. i shoulda. that's what coyotes do! anyway. i keep getting distracted. um.. ison was being all pissy and she made me leave. i met a cute boy there, but he was YOUNG and has a girlfriend. double whammy.
but, i've been thinking a lot about things.. and i have a LOT of fun with guys. i just like hanging out with them. and when things get past that, something always goes wrong. just not worth it. i mean.. i would *love* to have noah back in my life. i would give the world to hear his laugh... but that doesn't appear to be happening. he's ignoring my letters and his phone (i had fone?) is still broken. damn the marines! damn the construction company. damn everyone. damn him mostly for ignoring me.
i digress...
if it isn't noah, i don't want it to be anyone. not for a while. and maybe not even noah. who knows?
i just know that right now i'm happy. i'm happier than i've been in a LONG time. and i'm ready to go to school and work and find out who i am.
"It woulda been so cool if I hadn't looked back..." -Sarah Jessica Parker, 'Sex and the City'
12 Aug
01:57
i'm gonna change the format of this page soon. i'm tired of this no frames crap. i'm also tired of my graphic not working. that's kind of anger-inducing. i'm at work so i don't really have the luxury of writing all i want to write. i do know, tho', that tomorrow is my last day here. yay!
i got all my school stuff figured out, as far as what i'm going to major in and what degrees i'll walk away with and whatnot.
alan's blasting collective soul next door. lol he's all excited 'cuz he just burned his first CD. yay.
saturday nite is the clam bake. yyyyuuuuummmmmmmmmyyyy, yummy lobster. yummy crab legs. yummy potatoes! but mostly, i'm happy that i get to spend time with my family. i know. i'm a freak.
team food!
10 Aug
11:29 a.m.
i love gizmo. i think he's awesome. sometimes we can talk for hours, but most times we talk for about an hour tops, and then don't really have anything to say to each other for a week or so. regardless of how often or for how long we talk, i dig gizmo. i think he's hella funny. he teases me a lot and sometimes makes me wanna smack him upside the haid, but overall we just have fun together. i hope we can hang out sometime.
i went to this AWESOME, awesome seminar today presented by Franklin Covey. it was called "what matters most", and it's basically a class on how to manage time. how to plan and ACT on tasks, so life is less stressful. it was super interesting.
i have more to say about everything, but i think for now i'll go get ready for bed. maybe i'll write a letter.
"i wanna be the light that burns out your eyes..."
09 Aug 00
22:37
i'm so sad that Biter's leaving. he's leaving the day after i am. i'm not sad that he's leaving right now. right now i'm sad 'cuz i can't help him. he's having a lot of familial troubles...sicknesses and whatnot. i want to go to his house and curl up in his bed and watch him fall asleep. i want to see the peace come across his face that only sleep can bring. i want to be able to hold him and let him know that he doesn't have to turn a cold shoulder to me, and that i'm good for more than just nice words. ugh. i know he's used to dealing with things by himself.. but i feel like i'm not being a decent friend if i don't take care of him when he's sad. i can hear the pain in his voice, for crying out loud. it makes me want to cry.
and it's like, he's leaving SO soon.. and so am i. and i just want to spend time with him. and i know i'll see him before i leave, but what do i say? how do i put everything into words? i can write this all out, 'cuz i do this for me. it's easy for me to write. but it's hard for me to tell him. i know i'll end up giving him a book for his going away present, 'cuz that's what i always give people. i hope i can find a book that says what i need to say.
and mostly i want to grow young with him. we missed so much growing-up-together-time that i want to be able to be high schoolish nerds together. i want to watch american gladiators again and make string designs. i just want to find all the stuff we lost in the years we didn't talk. "i wanna grow young with ya, baby.. too young to ever grow old..." -CM
scruff's been taking care of me lately. 'cuz i'm all.. a nutty-nut girl who's nuts. and i appreciate it. and he and i have a dynamic to our relationship that's just awesome. and i really respect him. above anything else, i respect him. he's super smart. but i mostly respect him 'cuz he is who he is. and he doesn't let anyone make him feel like that isn't good enough. and he's funny. and someday we're going to live in a trailer. maybe a doublewide. maybe in northern california. and we'll have spamghetti.™ and i'll love it.
i've gone to six places to find the coyote ugly soundtrack and i still can't find it. wal-mart sucks. their cds are always out of order, and that pisses me off. my whole life can be disorganized, but i can guaranfreakin'tee you that my CDs are always alphabetized.
08 Aug
21:55
so you move me! or, i move myself. more with my spirit, than anything else. let me turn off my music so i can make some sense.
i'm moving. in ten days, i'm physically moving. but more than that.. i can feel myself moving. moving away from here. from my depression, and my loneliness and my sadness. "they say your soul is growin'..." -JDM moving away from my disappointment in my friends, which is probably 99% my own biases.
i need to get my cast list up.
07 Aug 00
21:10
tonight oph, miss mack 'n i went to see coyote ugly. all the feminists are going to flood my mailbox with hate mail, but i thought it rocked. in my next life, i definitely want to be a coyote. i want to be a coyote in this life, even. not because i want to dance on bars or anything, (although that would KICK BUTT!), but because those girls just have so much confidence. okay, it was a movie, but i know chicks like that.. and they ROCK. i want THAT much confidence. more than i have. more than i could ever imagine having. i want to wear leather pants and kiss random boys and not have any bad feelings about it.
whenever i start thinking i can be a coyote (or whathaveyou), something pops into my mind going, "are you kidding?!" i have the body for it. i know that. i just never think i'm pretty enough. boys never think i'm pretty enough...which doesn't really bother me. it bothers me that i don't think enough of myself sometimes.
the past came back to haunt me (then kiss me) this weekend. i ran into a boy named keith (not the same one i was talking about a few entries ago...) who i kind of hooked up with a while ago. he hella treated me like crap and we never spoke after that night. but i saw him this weekend and we hung out for a big minute. he has my number now. we'll see if he calls. and if not, i'm leaving in 10 days, so who cares? woohoo!
i'm tired. i'm not really tired. i'm wired 'cuz i wanna be a coyote! but i do have to be up to take my cah to the shop t'morra'.
i hope all of you find the coyote inside you. *kisses*
06 Aug 00
23:27
with some kind of luck and grace, maybe this entry will actually make it into the history books of what was once my journal. now i think it's some writing sabotaged by demons or martha stewart, which could quite possibly be one in the same.
things that are getting on my noives right now: gurlpages. i've disliked gurlpages from the get-go. but quote pages are so trendy nowadays, that i just don't wanna move all my quotes to a different place. anyone who reads this and didn't know i had another page: www.gurlpages.com/writing/writethisdown. i like quotes. oh...back to things that are on my noives: the web. i just hate it. my stepdad scraping his spoon on the bowl. stop it! it's empty!
good morning. how are you? sorry to be so rude. i don't like starting my entries off grouchy. especially when i haven't seen your smiling faces in such a long, long time.
for the record, i'm addicted to erin's journal. i just love her writing. she isn't afraid to admit when she makes no sense. i dig nonsense. me and dr. seuss.
so much to say!
today was my last day of school. a big A in soc 2. yay! i really like dr. dave. i think he's an amazing teacher. today we were talking about internet porn. not the whole 3 hours or anything, but we skimmed the topic. it was FUNNY. very vulgar. made me blush. :X so now i'm out of school for 20 days. i have work for one more week. i'm leaving for grand junction two weeks from today. someone do the math and tell me how much free time that leaves me.
we had a family reunion in ogallala this weekend. it was mucho fun. "and we loved with a love that was more than love..." -poe that's how i describe my family. my extended family. when we're all together. it isn't just love that we bring to each other. it's laughter and love and support. it was good to see all of them. i mean, now that i'm old enough to appreciate seeing them. family is very important to me. which is sort of weird since i can't see myself ever marrying.
keith and i have a strained relationship. that's my fault. it makes me sad. i miss him. i don't necessarily miss our relationship, although i do miss the feel of his chest and his heartbeat beneath my hand. i mostly miss his sense of humor, though. i miss his sarcasm. i miss his wit. i miss his quiet but not-so subtle teasing. i miss our talks. i feel like i don't know who he is. maybe i never did? i can't remember very many conversations between us where i heard about him growing up. he's a beautiful person. physically, he's amazing. tall, handsome, fit. beautiful. intellectually he's breathtaking. everything about him is so mind-blowing. everything i want; everything i pushed away. i'm sorry.
i love mixednuts.net. it's important that people who are mixed up [and can't write journals :)...] have an outlet for their emotions. and sometimes it's important even for those of us who do have journals to visit there.
biter's moving. to hawaii. biter's moving to hawaii. that makes me unbelievably sad. mostly because i just got him back...and now he's leaving. i don't want him to stay. i mean, i'm leaving, too. i want him to be happy, and if he thinks hawaii is what will lead him to happiness/success/love..whatever..go. good. i'm happy. but i need him. i need him to keep me grounded. when the rest of the world says, "oh..i'm so sorry. that sucks." biter says, "so? buck up!" he's been through it. he knows what it's like. he tells me how to make it work. i need him here. i think the biggest reason this is bugging me is 'cuz i love him. i've loved him since day one. since we were 14 year-old kids sitting in geometry class. since i can remember. since before we were friends, even. and maybe back then i didn't love him, but i do now. and it bothers me that when we hang up the phone i can't say "i love you." he's never told me he loves me. he says he doesn't think he knows how to love. no.. actually, i think he said "i don't know how to love." bullcrap! everyone knows how to love. he tells every single member of his family that he loves 'em everytime he sees 'em. okay..different kind of love, but still. i'm not asking him to get down on his knee and propose.. i just want to hear him say, "sara..yes. i love you. i'm grateful you're in my life." just once. although...maybe he doesn't. how sad would that be?
i feel like this whole post is about boys. but for crying out loud, i just am so surrounded by them. not even boys i like romantically. except keith. and i don't even know if i LIKE him that way anymore...maybe i just miss liking him that way. anyway. i just have a lot of boy friends. i don't really like girls. we don't usually tend to get along.
bring on the football! the first broncos pre-season game is saturday night! how excited am i? no, really, how?
noah. i love and miss him. i miss him more than anything else. i feel like he's lost within himself, and even i can't bring him out. and goddamnit, i've tried. i just feel like he's so lost, and the only way he's ever going to be my noah again is if he concentrates enough on what's right. or...on the way he wants to be. or on the way he was? i don't know! i just know that he can't just let whatever's eating him away mentally take over his whole life. he's too good for that. too smart. too driven. and, he owes me a date in november.
i just want my friends to be happy. and if that isn't going to happen, i at least want them to understand that what's wrong today may not be wrong tomorrow. good lord.. listen to me! i write this journal to bitch primarily about my days. although i do write about good things when they happen. therapy taught me, though, that if i can count on one thing it's that tomorrow will be different. it might not be better, it might even be worse...but it will be different.
Quote of the moment: "Those who are able to walk on stilts can roam the earth unstopped by mountains or rivers. They are able to imagine flying and therefore to reach the Isles of the Immortals." -P'ao-Pou Tseu
03 Aug 00
21:15